Last night CNN sponsored the first major Republican Presidential Candidate Debate. I, being one of the 1 million people in the country to actually watch it, figured I should catch you all up on the exciting television that ensued.
Moderated by CNN's John King, whose head is so long and narrow that by the time the show was over, I swear his chin grew 4 inches, the format was basically the same as every other presidential debate. The candidates were introduced. They did their best pageant wave, shook each others hands and stood there smiling, trying their best to look warm, accessible and fighting the "I am better than you" smirk.
It was 2 hours of Obama Bashing. The word "Obamacare" was used 28 times. The word "failure" was used approximately 18,000 times. (okay, that was an exaggeration) I read the other day on another blog (yes, I read) that the Republicans are "loud and mean" and the Democrats are "over politically correct and pussies".
And truly, tonight proved that for the Republicans.
I will break down for you my overall impressions of each of the candidates:
Congresswoman,Michelle Bachman: She is "cray-cray". But she attracts the other "cray-crays" and she is loud and shouts out stuff that even she, I am sure, says, "wow, I know I just made that up, but dang, that sounded almost plausible". She's gunning for the VP spot and she might get it, cause about 30% of the country are "cray-cray".
Congressman, Ron Paul: I like this guy. He's an old coot, but I love that he totally believes what he says and has been saying it for the past 30 years. He's a libertarian. Which means he's a conservative, but absolutely abhors the government intervening in anything. ANYTHING. Except, of course, anything but getting his paycheck, pension and insurance from the government. He wants marijuana, heroin, and other illegal drugs legalized. So there's that.
Former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich: If Barney Rubble and Phil Donahue had a love child... That Newt pontificates and pontificates and pontificates. He is so unlikeable that his campaign team, who he was paying, quit. And there's the whole "I cheated on my second wife with my third wife while the second wife was in the hospital with cancer" thing.
Former Governor and J.C. Penney Model, Mitt Romney: He is slick. And, I have to say, he made no mistakes and was the most prepared. But the "cray-cray" Republicans hate him for his universal healthcare plan (re: RomneyCare) he enacted in Massachusetts. And the "cray-crays" are the majority of the Republican party now, so we'll see if he can make it through. (Interesting fact: Mitt and I have something in common. He has "flip-flopped" on just about every social issue there is, and I wear "flip-flops" with my swimsuit)
Former Governor, Tim Pawlenty:
Oh, I'm sorry, I just dozed off.
Former Senator, Rick Santorum: Google his name. PLEASE.
Former Godfather's Pizza CEO, Herman Cain: WHO??? All I know is that he hates Muslims.
It's very early in the campaign. VERY early. And you know what that means? We are stuck with these people for about 8 more months. In exciting news: Former Utah Governor, John Huntsman (the other white mormon) and Texas Governor, Dick Perry are thinking about running. So there's that.
What would Betty think? "Mitt Romney is so handsome. He looks like Rock Hudson." (I am sure Mitt would prefer not to be mentioned with Rock Hudson)
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