I don't watch "The Bachelor". I think it is televised prostitution. It makes me squirm and throw up in my mouth a bit. I have, however, seen this season's bachelor and clips from the show on talk shows. First of all, he needs a haircut. And, he is icky. Call me Rush Limbaugh, but of course he chose the "slut" who went skinny dipping with him. He is stupid man and ruled by his penis. Just like Rush. And who can really find the "love of their life" in a few weeks of "speed dating"? That's not reality. What's the rush? (pun intended)
Now, if ABC wanted a true reality speed dating show, they should bring the cameras into an assisted living facility. The ratio of males to females are about the same as on "The Bachelor". It's a fact that women out live men. And now with the magic of the "little blue pill", anything can happen. (if you know what I mean)
And the stakes are really high. When you're 80, the need for "speed dating" brings on a new meaning.
In the first episode we would meet our bachelor, for this purpose let's call him Mr. Peterman. Mr. Peterman meets his Bachelorettes as they stroll up in dining room wobbling on their walkers. They all toast with a glass of Ensure and the battling begins. Mrs. Harvey makes a mad dash for the door, but the attendants catch her before she gets to the traffic light and just in time for her one-on-one time with Peterman. It gets a little awkward when unexpectedly Mrs. Harvey mistakes him for her son and tries to burp him. At the end of the night (and before the sun goes down) Mr. Peterman has narrowed the choices down to three. It would have been more but Mrs. Langston stuffed most of the roses in her purse. (She has a problem with hording, which will be highlighted in episode 4 when Mr. Peterman tries to go into her room and trips on all the empty Metamucil bottles and stacks of old AARP magazines)
We cut to episode 6 when Mr. Peterman and Mrs. Ellis have a private date. They spend the day playing private Strip Bingo and the scene fades as we see the them from behind sharing a walker clad only in their Depends as they head for the theraputic hot tub. The two other remaining Bachelorettes are appalled and brand Mrs. Ellis a "hussy".
Episode 7 begins with Mrs. Ellis doing the "Walker of Shame" as she heads to her room from the hot tub. We also see Mr. Peterman in the hall trying to figure out who and where he is.
Sadly, the series ends early due to fact that Mr. Peterman was unexpectedly found in Mrs. Wilson's room stark naked in the bathroom twirling in circles singing the theme song to "The Donna Reed" Show. He was then taken to Memory Care Lock Down never to be seen again.
Now that's a reality Reality Show!!
What would Betty say? "I don't need an old man! All they want is a nurse or a purse!"
