The Other Mother

So, most of the time I say that I have had 3 mothers.  Betty, the one that spawned me and my 2 aunts ( one that has now morphed into my 79 year old daughter).  But in truth, I've had 4 mothers.  Those 3 aforementioned, and my Stage-Mother whom I call Mumsy.  And I write this in honor of Mumsy on a certain birthday in which she will now be eligible for Medicare.

Mumsy is responsible for teaching me about all things amazing.  I always say that any social graces that I might have, I learned from Mumsy.  Any thing I know about art and literature and music, I learned from Mumsy. The best advice she ever gave me: "You're not funny, if you think you're funny!"

We met at a dive restaurant in Lubbock, TX 30 years ago.  It was clandestine. It was the after party for some show at the theatre department. She was having to do time in Lubbock, TX and decided to get involved with the collegiate theatre department because she knew that the only interesting people in Lubbock would be there. And if I say so myself, there I was!!!  She was smoking a cigarette with a cigarette holder. The only time I had ever seen a cigarette holder was on the Johnny Carson show when Phyllis Diller appeared. I grabbed it from her and pranced across the restaurant with it.  And the rest is history.

On my first trip to New York, Mumsy insisted that we eat at the Algonquin Hotel. I had never been to any place like that before. They required a jacket and I didn't have one. They begrudgingly loaned  me one and it fit (not so) perfectly. The sleeves were about 4 inches too short. I looked like Alfalfa about to sing to Darla. We sat for dinner. I was 22 years old and I had never been to a restaurant that had 2 forks before. (For some reason the Wyatt's Cafeteria only had one fork) I ordered a salad with dinner and the waiter asked me what kind of dressing would I like.  I said, "Do y'all have Ranch?" (pronounced "Rainch") I still have the imprint of a stiletto on my shin from Mumsy kicking me and glaring with embarrassed eyes.

It's been a long journey from my forkless past. And I owe it all to my Mums.  A few years ago, a group of friends were playing "At 18 what did you think you would turn out to be?".  I said, of course, I thought I would be Charles Nelson Reilly and be on games shows. Mumsy said, "I didn't know what I would be, I just wanted to be fabulous!"  Well, guess what?   YOU ARE!!!

What would Betty say?  "Does she still all those "different" things in her house?  Her pillows didn't match."