The Audacity of Fat

Okay, okay, I know we all have figure flaws. Betty's Son is no exception.  I have always said that I have the "skinniest limbs in show business".  (insert skinny joke here, like: I'm so skinny that my striped pajamas have only one stripe! Or, I have to jump around in the shower to get wet!) I squeal like a little girl when I (rarely) work out and my thighs touch. I have a bald head and skinny arms and legs. I KNOW THIS!  I have always known this. But I do have to say that I have the sense to cover up these "flaws". I wear a cap as much as I can. I wear long pants and long sleeves as much as I can as to not scare the children or incite someone to break off my leg and use it for a baseball bat.

But what is it with fat people these days???

As most of you know, I have recently relocated to Texas from Los Angeles, California.  A myth about Los Angeles is that there are not many fat people there. That is not completely true. There are some fatties in L.A. But the difference between those chubs in L.A and the chubs in Texas is that those in L.A. have shame!  Los Angeles is the bastion of superficiality.  There are so many beautiful people there that you actually seek out ugly people to make yourself feel better.  The climate is so "looks" oriented that if you do have flaws you have to cover them up and deal with them the best you can.

But here in Texas, the porkers have NO shame!  NONE.  As I am apt to frequent, how should I say?, "less sophisticated" establishments here in Texas, I am exposed to many, many obese people. And when I say "exposed", I mean, literally, exposed! (insert groan and fake vomit sound here) When did it become okay for a 300 lb. woman to wear leggings and a half T-shirt?  When did it become okay for a teenage girl who is 40 lbs. overweight to wear low-rise ass crack jeans and a tank top that doesn't quite stretch far enough down? And why must men who are obviously 8 and a half months pregnant wear a wife beater undershirt and cargo shorts that don't quite make it over their beer bellies? (I am assuming it's a beer belly due to their "This Bud's For You" tattoo on their shoulder)  Where is the shame?????

Now, I am not judging these people because they are overweight. (okay, maybe a little) BUT, I am judging them because they are subjecting all of us to every carton of Blue Bell Ice Cream they have ever eaten. They are subjecting us to every chicken fried steak, cream gravy and loaf of Mrs. Baird's white bread they have ever eaten.  What happened to the days when fat women would wear MuuMuu's and layers? Lots of layers! Where are the tunics? Where are the tent dresses? Where are large scarves draped over their shoulders a la Oprah 1988? Where are the broomstick skirts, for God's sake????

I know that we should all love our bodies and accept ourselves for the inner beauty that we all possess.  But can't we all do this in the privacy of our own homes???

What would Betty say? "I don't know how some of those people fit in the car!"