It's been a week since a tornado blew through my town. I could say that it took me a week to come out of hiding and that is the reason why I haven't written about it. That would not be true, but trust me, I was spooked enough to stay in my closet for a year. (insert your jokes now, so we can move on)
The day began as my days usually do. I woke up. I checked facebook, email, and then played 5 games on AnagramFever. (As I recall, I didn't play very well that day, as if it were a sign of things to come) I then took a shower, got myself together and headed out for my morning chores. That day, they included picking up my 79 year old daughter's new glasses at the Walmarts, taking them to her at the dorm, picking up her laundry, changing her bed linens, eating my regular at Arby's (#4 combo) and stopping off at the Home Depot to buy some paint. I live a full and rich life.
When I walked out of the Home Depot I noticed that "a cloud" had come up that wasn't there when I went in.
By the time I got home it was starting to look bad. I turned on the TV and there was nothing on about the weather. And then it happened. Suddenly, God spilled a huge bucket of water and it was POURING down rain. About 10 minutes later my satellite went out. Then about 3 minutes after that the electricity went off. I thought to myself "Oh, this is, perhaps, not good". I logged on to local news websites before my computer died to see what was happening. Nothing. I called my sister. She had heard nothing. Then she suddenly said, "There's a tornado over your head". FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I looked out the window and it was jet black outside. And the rolling thunder started. And the storm sirens blared. I immediately ran and got all the pillows off my bed and grabbed a blanket. I looked for the Coleman lantern flashlight that my Aunt Kay had given me for Christmas and noticed that I had not put the batteries in it. I grabbed the flashlight and batteries, two bottles of water, my man purse, my phone and my cigs (just in case). I got in the empty hall closet and shut the door. In the dark, I opened the battery package and put them in using the flashlight app on my phone. I pulled out my driver's license out of my wallet and kept it in my hand the whole time. (This was a flashback from the Lancaster tornado of 1994 when poor Raebel Cobb was found a half mile away from where her house use to be. She was found dead, still in the bathtub with her driver's license in her hand for easy identification) All of this was done in about 42 seconds.
I kept hearing rolling thunder about 15 seconds apart. Then, it was no longer rolling thunder, it was THUNDER for about 45 seconds. The house rattled and I was in the fetal position covered in pillows and a blanket. I am not sure, but I suspect that I soiled myself. I'm not sure. Depends. Anyway, there was about a minute and a half of complete stillness and quiet. And then all hell broke lose. Firetruck sirens and police sirens started blaring. I called my sister and she said it hit on Wintergreen Road. A half a mile from my house! I crawled out of the closet and looked outside. The sky was a pinkish-yellow color. I ventured outside on the back covered porch. Elsie, the brain damaged cat, was so scared, she, for the first time, jumped in my lap. I walked around the back yard and not one bit of damage. Not a tree limb down, not a shingle off the roof. Nothing.
I continued talking on the phone with my sister and finding out about the devastation that was a mere half a mile away from me. And about 45 minutes later I look outside... and here we go again. POURING rain. Darkness. Rolling thunder and lightening. I pulled out the driver's license and got back in the closet. After 20 minutes there was quiet again. And nothing out of place.
I still had no electricity, but no damage. Except for my one last nerve!
What would Betty say? "That's why I give you underwear for Christmas!" And then she would go on and on about how she would always get in that same closet and that her bowels were runny.
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