Well, I officially hate the Mayans. I know it's not right to hate, but really Ole Ancient Ones, I could have used you today. If the world is going to end (which surely it will), why could it not have happened today? This would have been a good day to do it. Really. Seriously.
Today I came the closest to having a full blown nervous breakdown as I ever had. And trust me, I have had plenty of reasons in my life to have one. But today broke me. Like really, seriously, FULL BLOWN. And here's why:
We have sold our family home. We close on the 28th. Which is great. I have wanted this for almost 2 years.
But it is now here. I sit in this house tonight with almost everything out of it and I still have palpitations because of the things left to do. Oh, and it's the Holiday season. So Merry Christmas everybody. For Christmas, I'm giving all of you an old, chipped knick-knack and a 30 year old towel set with tattered lace and sea shells. Enjoy!
I have no "official" place to live. I have had 2 places fall through, so hopefully the place I looked at today (which is not ideal, but I AM DESPERATE!) will come through. Because I MOVE on Wednesday. Wouldn't it be nice if I had a place to go? Oh well, wouldn't want to rush things.
And sadly, my 80 year old daughter, who I have been taking care of for the past 2 years, has taken a very serious turn for the worse in the past two weeks. She is now on Hospice care and virtually incoherent and lifeless. She is still here, but barely. She can't communicate, but I can tell she's scared and confused. And she still has the ability to show emotion. And that is emotion is sadness. She can still cry. And now, finally, so can I. And cry I have...all day today. (even as I write this) She has been on 24 hour Hospice care for the past week, but they called me today to tell me that would be ending it because she can still swallow and her vital signs are still good. They said it would be best to MOVE her to a nursing home or get a sitter (at $400 a day) to be with her. Luckily, I made a wise choice to put her in possibly the best assisted living facility in the world, and they have said that they wouldn't let that happen. If we MOVE her, it will be to the "more hands on" unit and they will take care of her to the best of their ability. There is still hope that Hospice will continue their 24 hour care, but only if things get worse. And I know this sounds bad, but it would be a blessing if they did. She is so miserable. I hold her hand, I rub her face and I pray that this nightmare will soon be over for her.
Add in a big project that I am working on and clients who will not pay and I HAVE HAD IT!!! HAD IT!!
[Other than that Mrs. Kennedy, how was Dallas?]
Readers, I haven't written in a long while. I wish I have, because now when I finally feel like it, it is a tirade of misery and raw emotion. I apologize. If you need a little humor from me, please refer to previous posts. (or just look at my photos from the 90's on facebook) On a brighter note, I was the recipient of two lovely acts of kindness today. One from my dearest friend in the world and one from someone I only know from the interwebs and whom I have never met. People are good. Well, some.
What would Betty say? She would cry and be very mad at me for making fun of her old crap. And then she would tell me that I needed to plan ahead. And then she certainly would tell me how bad her bowels are.
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