Sorry dear readers, It's been a week since my last posts. It's so hot here that my brain has been par-boiled and pealed and made into a Potato Salad. (FYI: Mustard is not in my color palate.) And for some reason my computer has been like scrambled eggs, too.
We have had almost 30 days of over 100 degree heat here. And it's suppose to get hotter next week. All I want to do is lay down and have relations with an ice pack.
Since I had my heat stroke it was has been difficult to be creative. This past week has been semi-uneventful, except for the part where I stood in the front yard in flip flops and a banana hammock and hosed myself down for 3 hours. (Visualize, if you will... the banana hammock was a lovely shade of puce) I have been enthralled and nauseated by this debt ceiling crap. (see post below). And I made a meatloaf. So there's that.
I read about a woman who was kicked out of the Walmarts for wearing a string bikini. I do not know the physique of this woman, but I would more than guess it was not nearly as disgusting and offensive as the 300 lb women who shop in their leggings and crop tops. Just saying. Did I mention I made a meatloaf?
What would Betty say? "You better cover that bald head. You're gonna blister!"
Sunday, July 31, 2011
It Has Hit The (debt) Ceiling Fan
I am here to proclaim Barack Obama the best Republican President since Saint Ronald Reagan!!!
What? He's a Democrat???? Really?
Once again, the Democrats cave in to the bully Republicans. Isn't he the President of the United States? Supposedly, the most powerful person in the world? Really??? He has to be the worst negotiator on the face of the planet. And by negotiator, I mean giant wuss!!! It all started with the Health Care Plan. He caved by giving away the Universal part of Universal Health Care. But I gave him a break on that because, at least, we got more healthcare reform than any other President in history. And then he caved by extending the Bush Tax rates. No break there, but at least he has another chance when they come to expire again very soon. But this debt ceiling thing.... COME ON! Did he not have the cajones enough to demand that they raise the debt ceiling like they did for Bush, Clinton and Saint Reagan? Or is the Tea Party just crazy and evil enough to smell blood and go in for the kill?
It's times like these that I wish that my primary vote for Hillary Clinton would have counted. Can you imagine how she would have handled this? She would have been Lucy to John Boehner's Charlie Brown. She would have grabbed that metaphorical football from under John Boehner's foot over and over and he would have fallen for it every time. And seniors, military families, people with disabilities and poor children would have never had to worry that they would have the football grabbed from under THEM!
One highlight of this debacle: The self appointed spokesman for the Tea Party, Joe Walsh (no, not that one) from Illinois, won a nomination for Hypocrite of the Year. Seems the "America needs to pay it's bills" screamer owes over $117, 000 in back child support. Pay your own bills, douchebag!
Other than that Mrs. Kennedy, how was Dallas?
What would Betty think? "I never liked Nancy Reagan. She seemed snotty". And then she would go on and on about Bill Clinton and how kids today have oral sex because of him.
What? He's a Democrat???? Really?
Once again, the Democrats cave in to the bully Republicans. Isn't he the President of the United States? Supposedly, the most powerful person in the world? Really??? He has to be the worst negotiator on the face of the planet. And by negotiator, I mean giant wuss!!! It all started with the Health Care Plan. He caved by giving away the Universal part of Universal Health Care. But I gave him a break on that because, at least, we got more healthcare reform than any other President in history. And then he caved by extending the Bush Tax rates. No break there, but at least he has another chance when they come to expire again very soon. But this debt ceiling thing.... COME ON! Did he not have the cajones enough to demand that they raise the debt ceiling like they did for Bush, Clinton and Saint Reagan? Or is the Tea Party just crazy and evil enough to smell blood and go in for the kill?
It's times like these that I wish that my primary vote for Hillary Clinton would have counted. Can you imagine how she would have handled this? She would have been Lucy to John Boehner's Charlie Brown. She would have grabbed that metaphorical football from under John Boehner's foot over and over and he would have fallen for it every time. And seniors, military families, people with disabilities and poor children would have never had to worry that they would have the football grabbed from under THEM!
One highlight of this debacle: The self appointed spokesman for the Tea Party, Joe Walsh (no, not that one) from Illinois, won a nomination for Hypocrite of the Year. Seems the "America needs to pay it's bills" screamer owes over $117, 000 in back child support. Pay your own bills, douchebag!
Other than that Mrs. Kennedy, how was Dallas?
What would Betty think? "I never liked Nancy Reagan. She seemed snotty". And then she would go on and on about Bill Clinton and how kids today have oral sex because of him.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
What's Up, Buuuuuuuuddy?
I am trying something new this weekend. My week in review - things that happened in the world, things that happened to me and/or just things.
In political news: Michelle Bachman has migraines and a husband that has prayed the gay away. She also receives those terrible government funds for her family's Christian Counseling center. Tim Pawlenty is so low in the polls that they don't even include him in the polls anymore. Governor Dick Perry has received the "call". And it wasn't from me. President Obama is ticked (finally) at the Republicans for holding the country hostage.
World News: A psycho tragically reeked havoc on the country of Norway. England is ticked at Rupert Murdoch and the powerful Murdoch-dependent elite are shaking in their boots. In a related story, Rupert Murdoch's wife is a Ninja Warrior. Amy Winehouse died and sadly, the world is not surprised.
In my world: Found a man dropping a log in my 79 year old daughter's bathroom. I had a heat stroke by just opening the front door of my house. I worked a bit trying to finish up my jobs. My dear funny friend, Heather LeRoy, drove across the country to visit me. As punishment, she made me go see Paulie Shore! Even worse, at a comedy club in Addison! My brother and niece had a birthday this week. I am very glad they were spawned.
And finally, today is the day of birth of my bestie, Susan Graham. For those of you who don't know her, she is an international Grammy Award winning Opera Star and I am VERY proud of her. She's been my best since we clandestinely met as Opera Chorus members in college. She has put up with my shit stuck with me through thick and thin (hair). She's a great gal and I will forever be grateful for her and for her letting me ride her coattails. We have experienced some amazing things together. Some we can speak of, and some that shall never be uttered.
Thus ends Betty's son's week of July 17-23, in the year of our lord, 2011.
What would Betty say? "I don't why these old men have to marry these young women. They never can be alone. All they want is a nurse or a purse". And then she would go on about how gray President Obama's hair has gotten since the election.
In political news: Michelle Bachman has migraines and a husband that has prayed the gay away. She also receives those terrible government funds for her family's Christian Counseling center. Tim Pawlenty is so low in the polls that they don't even include him in the polls anymore. Governor Dick Perry has received the "call". And it wasn't from me. President Obama is ticked (finally) at the Republicans for holding the country hostage.
World News: A psycho tragically reeked havoc on the country of Norway. England is ticked at Rupert Murdoch and the powerful Murdoch-dependent elite are shaking in their boots. In a related story, Rupert Murdoch's wife is a Ninja Warrior. Amy Winehouse died and sadly, the world is not surprised.
In my world: Found a man dropping a log in my 79 year old daughter's bathroom. I had a heat stroke by just opening the front door of my house. I worked a bit trying to finish up my jobs. My dear funny friend, Heather LeRoy, drove across the country to visit me. As punishment, she made me go see Paulie Shore! Even worse, at a comedy club in Addison! My brother and niece had a birthday this week. I am very glad they were spawned.
And finally, today is the day of birth of my bestie, Susan Graham. For those of you who don't know her, she is an international Grammy Award winning Opera Star and I am VERY proud of her. She's been my best since we clandestinely met as Opera Chorus members in college. She has
Thus ends Betty's son's week of July 17-23, in the year of our lord, 2011.
What would Betty say? "I don't why these old men have to marry these young women. They never can be alone. All they want is a nurse or a purse". And then she would go on about how gray President Obama's hair has gotten since the election.
Once In Love With Amy
They tried to make her go to rehab and she said no, No, NO!
And now she's dead.
What would Betty say: "That girl just tries to look ugly. I don't know why these kids get on that crack and codeine. She needed a spanking."
And now she's dead.
What would Betty say: "That girl just tries to look ugly. I don't know why these kids get on that crack and codeine. She needed a spanking."
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Poops! She Did It Again!
I was watching one of my favorite shows this morning, "Morning Joe". They mentioned a story about Brittany Spears. Her former employees and associates have come out with a story that Ms. Spears seems to have a propensity to pass gas and to have noxious bowel movements and is very crude about defending her right to her freedom for polluting the air and offending others. This, of course, could in no way be as offensive as the music she puts out. Talk about air pollution!
This brought to mind a situation that recently occurred. And it's kind of an iffy segue, but it's an interesting story, so get over it.
I was visiting my 79 year old daughter at camp. I had purchased some provisions for her and went directly to her room. The door was slightly ajar. I walked in and said, "Hey it's Kevin. I'm here!" She wasn't there, but much to my surprise I look to my right and see a man in her bathroom with his pants down to his ankles dropping a big "shidooby" on the floor. I say, "Hey, I think you are in the wrong room" And he said, "No. This is my room." I said, "No, it's not". He pulled up his pants and started walking out the door. I asked him what his name was and he said he didn't know. I asked him what room he is lives in and he didn't know. I went outside and got the nurse. She helped him to the public bathroom where he continued his trail of odorous destruction. By this time my 79 year old daughter came in the room. I told her what happened and she was very upset. She locked the door to prevent him from coming in. And we kept the door to the bathroom closed until the housekeeping staff came to clean it up.
I keep thinking about that poor little man. Not knowing where he lives, not knowing who he is, not knowing where to drop a "shidoob". And I try not to judge, because who amongst us hasn't had too much to drink, didn't know where they live, didn't know their name, didn't know where you should poop? What? I'm the only one???? "This loneliness is killing me...".
Betty's reaction: "She acts too sexy" (Brittany, not the 79 year old). And for the 67th time she would go into detail about her turbulent bowel movements (as she pulls down her pants rushing to the bathroom).
This brought to mind a situation that recently occurred. And it's kind of an iffy segue, but it's an interesting story, so get over it.
I was visiting my 79 year old daughter at camp. I had purchased some provisions for her and went directly to her room. The door was slightly ajar. I walked in and said, "Hey it's Kevin. I'm here!" She wasn't there, but much to my surprise I look to my right and see a man in her bathroom with his pants down to his ankles dropping a big "shidooby" on the floor. I say, "Hey, I think you are in the wrong room" And he said, "No. This is my room." I said, "No, it's not". He pulled up his pants and started walking out the door. I asked him what his name was and he said he didn't know. I asked him what room he is lives in and he didn't know. I went outside and got the nurse. She helped him to the public bathroom where he continued his trail of odorous destruction. By this time my 79 year old daughter came in the room. I told her what happened and she was very upset. She locked the door to prevent him from coming in. And we kept the door to the bathroom closed until the housekeeping staff came to clean it up.
I keep thinking about that poor little man. Not knowing where he lives, not knowing who he is, not knowing where to drop a "shidoob". And I try not to judge, because who amongst us hasn't had too much to drink, didn't know where they live, didn't know their name, didn't know where you should poop? What? I'm the only one???? "This loneliness is killing me...".
Betty's reaction: "She acts too sexy" (Brittany, not the 79 year old). And for the 67th time she would go into detail about her turbulent bowel movements (as she pulls down her pants rushing to the bathroom).
An Odorous Birthday
Okay, okay. I know it's been a while. I have been out of town, working, taking care of my 79 year old daughter and it's HOT. So sorry readers, I will try to do better. This is the most humble day of my life and I blame those that I have trusted and those that they trusted. And of course, Rupert Murdoch.
I was listening to the radio this morning. (Yes, Radio.) I heard a commercial for McDonald's. It was about a guy who always had to live in the shadow of his big brother, Steve. "You're Steve's younger brother". But now, you can outdo Steve and get some barbeque something or other at McDonald's that he hasn't heard about.
How appropriate that I heard that today, for tonight I am cooking dinner for my older brother, Steve, in honor of his double nickel birthday. (I am frying chicken, but he's hates chicken, so I am also making Barbeque ribs, fried okra, black eyed peas, salad, and brownies and ice cream for dessert (or is it desert?) I really did grow up in the shadow of my big brother(Betty's other son), Steve. Fortunately for me, we were completely opposite of each other and the comparisons were laughable, so it didn't psychologically scar me (too much).
Although we come from the same egg and sperm, you would never know that we did. He is olive complected and I am not. He has hair (lots of it) and... I DO NOT. He was a star athlete in High School...and surprisingly, I WAS NOT. He has a hard labor job...I DO NOT. He has 3 children...I DO NOT. He loves Bluegrass music...I DO NOT. He is addicted to olives... I AM NOT. He can pollute the air with one tilt of his leg... and I DO NOT! And the list goes on and on... One thing we do have in common: He is very funny. But, I am funnier.
As kids we hated each other. He made fun of me at every turn. He beat me up every chance he could. He left home by the time I went to high school and for about 20 years after, we barely communicated. We just did not have one thing in common. But in the last decade we have become closer and closer. A lot has to do with his kids (my nephews and niece) and the time I share with them. But, since our dad died in 1998, we both shared the responsibility of Betty and Betty's sisters. And you know what? I have to say he is one of my dearest and best friends I have and will ever have. We still have nothing in common. He still has hair and I don't. He still was the star athlete in high school and I was not. He still loves bluegrass music and I still do not. He still blows gaseous wind in public and I certainly do NOT! But, what we have is the same blood. And as they say, blood is thicker than water.
So, happy birthday Brother! For your birthday, I bought you some Febreeze!
What would Betty say? "I tried to make him not beat you up. I never could control that kid". And then she would remind me to turn off the stove after I cook and to not put too much salt in the peas. And "Why are you frying chicken when you can go up to the Colonel and get a bucket?"
I was listening to the radio this morning. (Yes, Radio.) I heard a commercial for McDonald's. It was about a guy who always had to live in the shadow of his big brother, Steve. "You're Steve's younger brother". But now, you can outdo Steve and get some barbeque something or other at McDonald's that he hasn't heard about.
How appropriate that I heard that today, for tonight I am cooking dinner for my older brother, Steve, in honor of his double nickel birthday. (I am frying chicken, but he's hates chicken, so I am also making Barbeque ribs, fried okra, black eyed peas, salad, and brownies and ice cream for dessert (or is it desert?) I really did grow up in the shadow of my big brother(Betty's other son), Steve. Fortunately for me, we were completely opposite of each other and the comparisons were laughable, so it didn't psychologically scar me (too much).
Although we come from the same egg and sperm, you would never know that we did. He is olive complected and I am not. He has hair (lots of it) and... I DO NOT. He was a star athlete in High School...and surprisingly, I WAS NOT. He has a hard labor job...I DO NOT. He has 3 children...I DO NOT. He loves Bluegrass music...I DO NOT. He is addicted to olives... I AM NOT. He can pollute the air with one tilt of his leg... and I DO NOT! And the list goes on and on... One thing we do have in common: He is very funny. But, I am funnier.
As kids we hated each other. He made fun of me at every turn. He beat me up every chance he could. He left home by the time I went to high school and for about 20 years after, we barely communicated. We just did not have one thing in common. But in the last decade we have become closer and closer. A lot has to do with his kids (my nephews and niece) and the time I share with them. But, since our dad died in 1998, we both shared the responsibility of Betty and Betty's sisters. And you know what? I have to say he is one of my dearest and best friends I have and will ever have. We still have nothing in common. He still has hair and I don't. He still was the star athlete in high school and I was not. He still loves bluegrass music and I still do not. He still blows gaseous wind in public and I certainly do NOT! But, what we have is the same blood. And as they say, blood is thicker than water.
So, happy birthday Brother! For your birthday, I bought you some Febreeze!
What would Betty say? "I tried to make him not beat you up. I never could control that kid". And then she would remind me to turn off the stove after I cook and to not put too much salt in the peas. And "Why are you frying chicken when you can go up to the Colonel and get a bucket?"
Monday, July 11, 2011
Uncle Cousin Daddy
Yesterday I was informed that Elsie, the stupid dain bramaged cat that won't leave my house, was the product of incest. It seems her father could possibly be her brother. Thus explaining why she is "not right". She had 2 siblings and they were even crazier than her.
I've been thinking of incest a lot lately. WHY? Not something that I usually think about, but it's been in the news lately. In a certain baby killer trial that was held recently, there was a question if said murdered child was fathered by her Uncle or perhaps her Grandfather. Both claims were refuted after a DNA test was taken. And during the Spring Royal Wedding there was a lot of talk how the Royals throughout history tended to marry their own, thus creating some pretty squirrelly aristoCATS. (hopefully, at least one of them were named, Elsie) (just trying to tie it all together, folks)
But the other day, someone on Facebook shared a link with me. The headline posed the question: "How Many States that Ban Gay Marriage Allow First Cousins to Marry?" Astonishingly, there are 19. 19 States!
And there are 3 more (New York, Vermont and Massachusetts) that allow same-sex marriage AND first Cousin marriage. Am I the only one that find this astounding? And, there are more states (Texas included) that allow Cousin Marriage for those cousins who are age 50 or older. Well, Hallelujah! Now I can be an AARP member and marry my first cousin!! (As long as my first cousin isn't a man!!) There were some surprises on the list. Those states allowing Cousin Marriage: California. Which maybe isn't so surprising since they are just a bunch of hippie freaks that live there. Utah. Well, I guess you can marry multiple cousins there, if you are so inclined. Maine. Who knew they did anything up there? Not so surprising: Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee. Not only North, but also South Carolina. Shockingly NOT on the list: Arkansas and Louisiana. I have absolutely no proof, but I am almost positive that there are a lot of law breakers in Arkansas and Louisiana. (Full disclosure: I have Arkansas blood in me. Which might explain a lot.)
So, I guess my point is: if Jim Bob Johnson and Charlene Lucille Johnson want to get married in one of those 19 states, then they can. BUT, if Jim Bob Johnson and Bob Earl Johnson want to get married, they will have to move to New York, Vermont or Massachusetts. I would be more than positive that both couples would be registered at Walmart.
What would Betty say about this? "Now, Kevin Lynn, don't talk about things like that!" And then she would add that she always suspected some of Charles' relatives were "in-breds". (He was from Arkansas)
I've been thinking of incest a lot lately. WHY? Not something that I usually think about, but it's been in the news lately. In a certain baby killer trial that was held recently, there was a question if said murdered child was fathered by her Uncle or perhaps her Grandfather. Both claims were refuted after a DNA test was taken. And during the Spring Royal Wedding there was a lot of talk how the Royals throughout history tended to marry their own, thus creating some pretty squirrelly aristoCATS. (hopefully, at least one of them were named, Elsie) (just trying to tie it all together, folks)
But the other day, someone on Facebook shared a link with me. The headline posed the question: "How Many States that Ban Gay Marriage Allow First Cousins to Marry?" Astonishingly, there are 19. 19 States!
And there are 3 more (New York, Vermont and Massachusetts) that allow same-sex marriage AND first Cousin marriage. Am I the only one that find this astounding? And, there are more states (Texas included) that allow Cousin Marriage for those cousins who are age 50 or older. Well, Hallelujah! Now I can be an AARP member and marry my first cousin!! (As long as my first cousin isn't a man!!) There were some surprises on the list. Those states allowing Cousin Marriage: California. Which maybe isn't so surprising since they are just a bunch of hippie freaks that live there. Utah. Well, I guess you can marry multiple cousins there, if you are so inclined. Maine. Who knew they did anything up there? Not so surprising: Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee. Not only North, but also South Carolina. Shockingly NOT on the list: Arkansas and Louisiana. I have absolutely no proof, but I am almost positive that there are a lot of law breakers in Arkansas and Louisiana. (Full disclosure: I have Arkansas blood in me. Which might explain a lot.)
So, I guess my point is: if Jim Bob Johnson and Charlene Lucille Johnson want to get married in one of those 19 states, then they can. BUT, if Jim Bob Johnson and Bob Earl Johnson want to get married, they will have to move to New York, Vermont or Massachusetts. I would be more than positive that both couples would be registered at Walmart.
What would Betty say about this? "Now, Kevin Lynn, don't talk about things like that!" And then she would add that she always suspected some of Charles' relatives were "in-breds". (He was from Arkansas)
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